stillrose | Breaking Free (8/many?)

Title: Breaking Free (8/many?)
Fandom: BTVS; Spike/Xander
Warnings: Slash, AU, Sci-fi, mild-violence, bit of Dom kink
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Lt. “Xander” Harris and Captain William the Bloody have both suffered and lost in the on going war between the Biogens and Council. Now, Xander finds himself a prisoner of Captain William the Bloody (aka Spike). What will be Xander’s fate?

Got this done early..so means enjoying an evening of sci-fi tonight. Sweetie's not here...though. *pout* I feel like i need a reward after a hard weeks worth of writing (which I have been totally loving!!!!) I think I'll break into my stash of European chocolate brought back by my sis-in-law.

Previous parts here.

As always: Feedback makes my heart go pitter-patter.

Xander noticed two things. One, Spike had the most stunning blue eyes he’d ever seen. Two, there was an odd mix of fear and tears shimmering in those eyes.

“I’m so unimaginably sorry, Xander,” Spike croaked before he stumbled off the bed. Then Spike was gone; not just from the bedroom but the cabin. The loud bang of the hatch slamming shut behind a fleeing Spike let Xander know he was unquestionably alone.

Spike stumbled down the corridors with Xander’s words ringing in his ears. Spike remembered other brown eyes and another voice pleading those words over and over. Tears were flowing down Spike’s face.

What have I done? Spike wept and stumbled into the mess. Please! Don’t make me do this! The words were a chorus in Spike’s head now. It wasn’t just Xander’s voice; it wasn’t just Xander’s brown eye.

How many times had I heard that plea? How many different ways? Spike growled. He looked around the mess. This is all just shite! This is just pretty wrappings on shite!

Spike morphed into his enhanced face and let the rage and fear in him go. He tore into the mess tearing it apart; making it the mess he was inside. Spike flipped over the table and threw the chairs into the bulkhead. He ripped cabinet doors off hinges and all the while he heard the cries in his head; Please! Don’t make me do this!

“What the fuck?” exclaimed Gunn as he rushed into the mess with rifle ready.

“Spike?” asked a frightened Fred from behind Gunn. Faith and Wes stood silent and watched the disaster unfold.

“Get OUT!” Spike snarled as he whirled around to see his startled crew watching him. “GET OUT NOW!”

“Faith…” Wes said as he turned to the former Regent.

“I’m gone,” she said; and she was.

“Fred,” Wes ordered the frightened girl. “Go with Faith.”

“Huh?” Fred said she continued to watch Spike in full-face rage and break a chair into so much kindling.

“Fred,” Wes said sharply finally getting Fred’s attention. “Go with Faith.”

“Where?” Fred whispered.

“Captain’s quarters.”

Fred nodded and with a final glance at Spike turned and rushed after Faith. Meanwhile, Gunn and his rifle very nearly crackled with the tension on whether to fire or not fire.

“Gunn,” Wesley ordered sharply, “stand down!”

“Wes,” Gunn growled being very uneasy at the turn of events.

“Stand down, Charles,” Wesley ordered again.

“I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET THE BLEEDIN HELL OUT OF HERE!” Spike roared at the two men still standing in the hatchway to the mess.

Gunn’s trigger finger twitched, but he didn’t fire.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Gunn asked Wes as he backed away from the hatch but didn’t lower his weapon.

“This is Spike,” Wesley said.

“Yeah, this is Spike,” Gunn repeated.

Wesley turned his gaze from Spike to look at Gunn, “He’s our captain, Charles.”

Gunn finally nodded. “I won’t be far,” he said as he backed away from the hatch and moved a few steps down the corridor.

Wes turned his attention back to the raging Biogen. Wesley stepped fully into the mess and shut the hatch door.

“You’re disobeying a direct order,” snapped Spike.

“Yes, well,” Wesley began. “I didn’t think that order was in the ship’s best interest.”

Without warning Welsey found himself pressed against a bulkhead with a fully enraged Spike snarling in his face.

“You’re a fool, Wesley,” Spike said as he painfully pushed his hands into Wes’s chest making it difficult for the pinned man to breathe. “And maybe you’re wrong too, eh? What if the great and wise Wesley is wrong and the Council is right? What if Biogens are just so much organic machines incapable of feeling any other emotions then what the Council had originally designed in the nanonites? Huh?”

“Then,” Wesley gasped as he met Spike’s gaze, “I would have already been dead a long time ago.”

Something in Wes’s words seemed to reach Spike because just as suddenly as Wes had found himself pinned to the bulkhead; he was released. A fire went out of Spike and he slid to the floor and puddled at Wesley’s feet.

“I’m so sorry, Wes,” Spike sobbed quietly.

Wesley slid down and joined Spike on the floor. Tentatively Wesley reached out a hand and gently touched Spike’s shoulder.

“Spike, what’s wrong? Tell me what happened.” Wesley quietly asked.

Spike looked up to meet Wes’s inquiring gaze. Spike’s face was simply human now and tears were openly falling from his pain filled blue eyes.

“I…” Spike began and paused hearing the chorus in his head again. “Wes…how many different ways do you think it’s possible to say the same phrase?”

Wes shook his head, “I don’t understand, Spike.”

“You know Dru,” Spike began. “You know what she was originally designed for? What her first placement was?”

Wes struggled to recall what he’d read about William the Bloody and Drusilla from his father’s hidden journals. “A nanny wasn’t she?”

Spike laughed bitterly. “Yeah, a nanny. Was all she was for many years. Just a nanny. A good one too. Raisin’ all them proper Council children right as rain. Sweet she was and docile.”

“I still don’t….” Wes began.

“And that’s what Travers needed…wanted,” Spike continued not hearing Wesley. “He had me. Was trained good as gold. Ruthless and efficient. Knew all the proper manners. Could go in dark or be a bleedin mister fop and charm the folks until it was too late…until it was time to follow orders and kill ‘em.”

“You were an assassin for Councilman Quentin Travers,” Wes nodded. Some of Spike’s record was pretty detailed in the elder Pryce’s journals.

“Yeah,” Spike sniffed. “But I couldn’t get real close all the time. Not for the real dirty bird work. Not for family jobs.”

Wes chilled as he began to understand where Spike’s rambling was heading.

“But Dru,” Spike said. “Dru see? She had a reputation and it was good, yeah? Travers had a job he wanted…needed to bring a rival Councilman in line. Hatched this plan, see?”

“Dru,” Wes said simply.

Spike nodded. “He bought her from the family she was serving. Said he was going ta gift her out as a reward. So he buys her and brings her in and…”

Spike’s memories overwhelmed him and his words were lost for a moment.

“Angelus was his enforcer…his muscle…head of his Biogens,” Spike began again. “Quentin told Angel…Angelus ta make sure she was ready.”

Spike looked up at Wesley. “You know I loved her the moment I saw her? I didn’t want to. I knew Biogens weren’t supposed to feel love; but I did. She was this…dark princess and she was my world!”

Spike wiped at some of the free flowing tears down his face. “I told Angelus..it wouldn’t work. She wasn’t a killer. She didn’t have the programming.”

“Angelus…he just smiled that cold beautiful smile of his…said, ‘She’ll change. Haven’t you figured it out, Spike? With the chip, they can get us to do anything?’”

Spike began to rock.

“And Oh God Wes! He was right…he was so right! Quentin would have Angelus run her through these little scenarios all involve hurting children…and she’d fight ya know? And every time she did that chip of hers would fire and she’d fry! She’d scream and beg and then they’d run another scenario…and…”

Spike suddenly stood and paced.

“’Please!’ she’d say…’Please! Don’t make me do this!’” Spike continued his story as Wesley slowly got to his feet and watched his so very wounded Captain. “Sometimes she’d say it as a whimper…some times a terrible painful scream…sometimes a snarl in full game face…but the worst? The worst Wes? The worst was when she said it while laughing! That’s when I knew…knew she was breaking…breaking so bad she’d never be fixed.”

Spike stopped pacing and then looked straight at Wes.

“They did it though. She did her job and years later when Angelus…Angel freed us. Got the chips out of our head. Dru, she uh…well she still liked to go after the children. Said ‘Have to spare ‘em Spikey. Can’t have ‘em growin up bad and wrong.’ And when I’d try and stop her? She’d just look at me and say, ‘Please. Don’t make me do this.’”

Once again it seemed as if all the fire went out of Spike and he just collapsed to the floor in a seated heap. Wesley slowly walked towards Spike as he if he were afraid he’d spook him. Then very slowly Wesley once again settled on the floor across from Spike.

“So what happened tonight, Spike?” Wesley asked.

“He called me a thing,” Spike said.

“Xander?” Wesley asked.

Spike nodded. “Called me a thing and said a thing could never touch him. I got mad and proved him wrong.”

“Spike…” Wesley began to ask almost afraid to know.

“I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand. He was just so…so….well Xander,” Spike gave a little laugh. “He just…he tastes like planet side…all pure and warm and real. There’s nothing recycled or processed about him. He’s just Xander and I got lost a bit.”

“What happened?” Wesley pressed.

Spike looked up and met Wesley’s earnest gaze. “He said, ‘Spike! Please! Don’t make me do this!’”

“And did you?” Wes asked needing to know now more than ever. How big of a mess do we have? He wondered.

“NO!” Spike said vehemently. “I stopped…I left.”

The relief Wes felt must have shown on his face.

“Still doesn’t make me any better than them,” Spike said. “Still just like Travers…like Angelus..a bloody machine that’ll do wot its…”

“NO!” Wes snapped his turned to be vehement. “You are not like that. You stopped, Spike. You left Xander alone. The Council wouldn’t have. A heartless machine wouldn’t have stopped either.”

Wes reached out and gently grabbed Spike’s arms.

“I will not pretend that this isn’t a bloody awful mess,” Wes said as he commanded Spike’s attention. “If we could, I’d say leave Xander at Oxnard when we get there tomorrow but we can’t. Among other reasons he has seen the make-up of the crew, he could tell the Council about Fred’s collar and not to mention it just would not be safe for him. The Council would see him as compromised.”

Spike nodded.

“Our best course of action is to continue on to Hyperion with him.”

“Let Angel clean up my mess...,” Spike said.

Wes smiled as he looked around the room, “Well the one aboard the DeSoto or the one with Xander?”

Spike laughed at the pun, “How about both?”

“I don’t think Gunn will wait that long for his next meal,” Wes dryly replied.

“Right,” Spike said as he withdrew from Wes and stood up. He needed some distance while his composure rebuilt itself. Spike righted the table and to pick up the debris.

“Spike,” Wes said quietly. Spike paused and looked at Wes. “You are Biogen. Biogens are really nothing more than enhanced humans. As humans, we all make mistakes; however a measure of our humanity is how we deal with those mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Spike stood still staring at Wes and processing the words. In his heart he felt like he had made more than just “a mistake.” Yet, something about Wes’s earnestness reached him and a knot inside of Spike uncoiled.

Wes stepped close and said, “Why don’t we leave clean-up until the morning. You can stay with me in my cabin tonight.”

Spike smiled his familiar grin, “Always knew you wanted in my knickers, Wes.”

“Of course, Spike,” Wes replied as the two began men headed for the mess hatchway. “My deep unrequited love for Fred was always just a massive cover from my unquenchable lust for you.”

***

Xander sat in the same position as he had been when Spike left. I..., Xander tried to think; to process all that just had happened. It was beyond him at the moment.

Awareness of cool air on his skin brought him back to himself enough to move and pull down his shirt. Moving was a mistake. Once Xander had shifted and reconnected with his body he began to shake.

Xander was caught in a blender of mixed emotions and he was being puréed from the inside out. Desire, shock, sorrow, surprise, humiliation, a dash of outrage, and a healthy dose of a secret ingredient Xander couldn’t quite identify (and he wasn’t sure he wanted to) all combined to make the Xander-shake he was on top of Spike’s bed.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat on the bed, but eventually Xander became aware of a loud banging on the cabin door. Spike doesn’t knock, was all Xander could think.

“Xander!” he heard Faith cry. “Open this door or I’m coming in!”

Can’t let her see me on his bed! Xander freaked and found himself moving off the bed and towards the sitting area.

“Don’t get your pa…,” Xander started to say on instinct and stopped. “I’m coming, Faith.”

Xander reached the door and opened it to find a stressed Faith and an anxious Fred arriving out of breath.

“Are you all right?” Faith barked.

“Yeah,” Xander nodded and a little more than confused. What was going on? He wondered. “I’m fine. What’s with the rescue routine?”

“Spike…,” panted Fred.

Xander blanched. Omigod they know! He panicked.

“Spike what?” snapped Xander.

Faith narrowed her eyes and examined Xander. He had a hell of a love mark peeping out underneath the v-line of his shirt but other than that he didn’t seemed to be hurt.

“He’s doing a massive redecoratin’ scene down in the mess,” Faith said simply.

“Oh,” Xander replied unsure of what to say or why Spike would be tearing apart the galley. Can’t tear me apart so trash where they got me working? He wondered. And why couldn’t he tear me apart he’s a Biogen..a killer..and why did he stop when I asked..that was almost…human…and why had he been afraid and why had I….

“Do you know what’s goin’ on?” Fred asked interrupting Xander’s babbling thoughts.

Once again Xander felt panicky. No way am I going to tell them about macking the mutant!

“We had a fight,” Xander explained. “I called him a thing. He didn’t like it.”

Faith knew something more was going here. The half ripe banana Xander was sporting in his pants and the love bite were enough to tell her that; but she knew pressing wouldn’t get her anywhere.

“Oh Xander,” Fred said. “Why would you do that?”

“Because…” Xander started to explain in all fiery righteousness but then realized he just didn’t have the fuel to burn, “look I’m not sure why Spike is goin’ all trash man on you. Maybe he’s got some circuits loose. I’d lay even money on that but if you’ve come to see how the Xan-man is then I’m fine.”

“Do you want to stay here tonight,” Faith asked bluntly.

“What?” Xander replied not expecting the question.

“Do you want to sleep somewhere else?”

“Like some where that’ll get my brain fried for being in an unauthorized area?” Xander sneered.

“Oh I can program the collar,” Fred said. “Just take a moment. Just tell me who you want to sleep with.”

Then Fred blushed when she realized what she said.

“I mean…”

“I know what you mean, Fred,” Xander said softly, “and thanks but I can’t see me bunking with you, Wesley or Gunn and I don’t do sloppy seconds.”

Xander said the last when looking at Faith.

Faith flinched, “I’m more of a friend then you realize Xander.”

“Oh yeah, Faith?” Xander said. “Then get me out of this freak club.”

Faith shook her head. “Can’t do it. Even if you were Jesse.”

It was Xander’s turn to flinch.

“Yeah, well once again, thanks for nothing Faith,” Xander said and then sighed when he saw both the girls flinch. He really just needed some time alone and to get his thoughts together. “Look, I’m sorry. You guys obviously came here to help and I’m being a jerk. I’m fine. I’ll crash on Captain Peroxide’s couch and hopefully he’ll leave off with the mass mess before there isn’t a mess left for breakfast.”

Fred smiled a little.

“Go take care of your Captain. I’m fine,” Xander said.

“All right,” Faith said. “However, you need anything, use your communicator.”

“Will it signal the Council?”

“Oh not really,” Fred answered. “Signal’s not strong enough. It’s pretty much only able to carry through the ship and in a small ar…oh that was a rhetorical question wasn’t it?”

Xander laughed and leaned over to kiss the thin woman on the forehead, “’Night Fred,” he said and then shut the cabin door.

Xander leaned against the back of the door and sighed. He rubbed his hand over his face and thought. What had happened to me tonight? And why had Spike freaked? And why am I still half hard?

Xander moved a way from the door and headed back for the small bedroom. It looked like it should smell of sex and spent passion. Xander’s newly borrowed clothes and his shoes were scattered. His blanket and pillow were on the floor and the bed was mussed.

In his mind’s eye, Xander could see himself stretched out underneath Spike on that bed. He could see him arching up into the blond man begging with his body for more of what only Spike could give. Little Xander was getting happy again.

“Damn,” Xander muttered as he picked up his clothes and shoes and tried to ignore the hard length in his pants.

Until Spike, Jesse had been the only man Xander had ever wanted. Jesse had never shown or expressed any interest in that kind of relationship and so Xander had only experienced the touch of a manly hug or a slap on the back.

Xander picked up his blanket and pillow and carried them into the sitting area and thought how he’d survived on those innocent touches. Oh yeah, he’d had a fling with Anya and it had been good. In her he could bury his desire for Jesse over and over again until she was insensate; but it was never enough for Xander. In the end they both knew it wouldn’t work and it was almost a relief when her special assignment was over and she went back to D’Hoffryn to work Black Ops.

When Jesse had died…was ripped apart, Xander’s memories corrected. Xander’s desire had as well. He’d felt nothing for no one; not even his own hand. Xander had been oddly ok with that anyway. He couldn’t see a lot of men or women beating down the door for a one-eye freak of a failure that couldn’t follow protocol and got their best friend and commanding officer killed.

Xander’s litany of self abuse was well memorized. Yet, with one kiss; one searing, unexpected and unasked for kiss from Spike, a Biogen, something had ignited in Xander long cold.

“I need a shower,” Xander growled in frustration and marched back toward the bathroom. He didn’t glance toward the bed. He just threw his patch on the dresser, stripped and threw his clothes in the cleaner. Xander stepped into the shower and flipped on the cycle.

Xander had hoped the tepid water would shrink his still interested erection but once again Xander was disappointed. Xander grabbed the soap and began to briskly scrub himself down. He scrubbed extra hard anywhere and every where Spike had touched him.

Doing so only seemed to reignite fresh memories and Xander relived the touches. Spike hands were surprisingly soft and his lips were supple. Xander had felt like a meal spread out before a starving man who was going to enjoy him bite by bite.

Spike seemed to want to taste and savor Xander and yet at the same time bring him to a fevered pitch where all Xander knew was the touch of Spike. Xander groaned. He was fully hard again.

He turned and leaned his head against the wall of the shower stall. Xander tried to think of Jesse. Xander tried to remember his smile; his eyes and his hair. All Xander could recall were perfect sharp white teeth, soft golden locks pressed close to a hard chiseled scalp and the most intense blue eyes ever developed.

“Oh God,” Xander moaned and found his hands beginning to dance over and stroke his weeping hard-on almost of their own volition.

“Oh please,” he gasped as he remembered the taste of Spike. Spike’s mouth pressed into Xander’s. Spike’s tongue danced inside Xander’s mouth. Spike tasted of whiskey, gaspers and something raw and powerful like desire itself.

“Fuck..fuck..fuck,” Xander began to chant as he closed one hand over his balls and sped up the strokes on his shaft with the other. He was so close.

Spike had marked him. Spike had bit and sucked until there was a mark on Xander’s neck. No one had ever claimed Xander before. Xander tried not to think of the tiny thrill that ran through him at knowing he was marked. He was claimed. He was wanted.

“SPIKE!” Xander shouted as he thrust and jerked forward into his hand. Long streams of a year’s worth of cold desire, sorrow and a lifetime of frustration shot from Xander. Hot thick spurts of living seed hit the shower stall wall and Xander felt himself lost in the pure oblivion that was a powerful orgasm.

Over and over Xander cried Spike’s name until his desire was spent, the water was gone and Xander was a shaking heap on the floor of the shower stall.

TBC in prt 9

Current Music: World on Fire - Sarah McLachlan

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

shay2.livejournal.com

OK....that was hot! Xander self-lovin....ahh just picturing it *drools*.

I wonder how Xan will act around Spike now (now that he's released a year's worth of cold desire, sorrow and fustration while thinking about Spike).

And I wonder how Spike will act around Xan (shy? quiet? the same?)

I can't wait to find out.

More soon
Shay

PS...I feel like a doofis. I spelled something wrong in my last post, and naturally I didn't see it until I read your response to me. Don't you just hate that. Ugh!

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Breaking Free (8/many?)

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