Breaking Free (24/many?)

[stillrose]

Title:  Breaking Free (24/many?)
Fandom: BTVS; Spike/Xander
Warnings: Slash, AU, Sci-fi, mild-Violence, bit of Dom kink
Rating:  NC-17
Summary: Lt. “Xander” Harris and Captain William the Bloody have both suffered and lost in the on going war between the Biogens and Council. Now, Xander finds himself a prisoner of Captain William the Bloody (aka Spike). What will be Xander’s fate?

Ok...my volunteer session didn't take as long as I thought...and I put off watching Supernatural...so TA DA! Chapter 24!

Previous parts here.

As always: Feedback make my heart go pitter-patter.

“That’s it, pet,” Spike said not bothering to hide the choke in his voice or brush away the tear making it’s way down his cheek. “I’m here, Xan. You’re safe and sound. Just stay with me, pet. Stay with me, Xander.”

Spike carded his hand softly through Xander’s hair.

“Stay with me, pet,” Spike said again and then very softly whispered. “That’s an order.”

Spike smiled as once again he heard the change in Xander’s heartbeat.

Xander kept his back to the vid screen. He never needed to see what was on the screen ever again as long as he lived.

“How long is that, Xan?” a familiar voice asked.

“Jess?” Xander asked as he looked to the doorway. Jesse stepped through and frowned.

“Dude, I think I preferred the relay station,” Jesse said as he looked around the room and saw the sprays of blood, Xander’s blood, on the walls, the floor and of course in livid full detail on the vid screen.

“I think I did too,” Xander replied with a tight catch in his throat and a blush of shame. “Sorry.”

Jess laughed. “Xan, between a choice of dying all over again or you having to go through this? I’d easily take the dying.”

“Don’t say that!” Xander shouted.

“Why not?” Jess asked. “It’s the truth. I’d rather you be alive….”

“I didn’t want you to die for me!” Xander cried.

“As reasons to die, Xan,” Jess sighed, approached Xander and placed his hand on his shoulder, “It’s a pretty damned good one. I wish you'd get that through that thick head of yours.”

“You have to say that….”

“Yeah, I know,” Jesse interrupted with a tired sigh, “I’m just a dream. The real Jesse wouldn’t ever think you were worth dying for.”

Xander arched his brow and pursed his lips. “I didn’t say that.”

“You do, Xan. Every time you deny my forgiveness.”

“Jess!” Xan cried, “I didn’t mean….”

“Hey, shhh,” Jesse placed both hands on Xander’s shoulders. “Calm down. Don’t get so excited. You need to keep calm. You’ve had enough shocks to your system.”

“Does that mean I’m still alive?” Xander asked.

Jesse nodded. “Ain’t gonna lie to ya though, doesn’t look good.”

Xander resisted the urge to look at the vid screens to see again just how bad it was.

“Didn’t feel good,” Xander replied dryly.

Jesse laughed. “As long as you have your humor, there’s hope.”

Xander smiled.

“C’mon. If you insist on being here let’s go into the other room where there’s a bar,” Jesse said. “You owe me at least a drink for that heroic death of mine.”

It was Xander’s turn to laugh through tears. “At least.”

The two men turned from bloody room and entered the bar.

“Mmm,” Xander muttered. “Looks a lot like the bar, Willie’s, on Oxnard and when I mean a lot I mean exactly.”

“Well,” Jesse said as he nimbly reached over the bar and rooted around until he pulled from out behind it two cold ales, “you didn’t actually get to see the bar where you were being held on Hyperion.”

“True,” Xander said reaching for and taking one of the cold ales.

“So,” Jesse said making his way to a seat at a table, “tell me about Spike?”

Xander nearly choked on the ale he just had sipped down his throat.

“Works better if you swallow,” Jesse advised.

Xander wiped his mouth and looked at Jesse. “What do you want to know about Spike?”

“Does he make you happy?”

Xander sat down on the chair opposite from Jesse and blushed.

“Yeah,” Xander finally smiled and said, “when he’s not being completely over bearing, bossy and an arrogant….”

Xander paused and looked down at his drink.

“Biogen?” Jesse prompted.

“It’s pretty monumentally stupid on the Xander scale of monumentally stupid, huh?” Xander asked before he took a sip of his drink and then continued. “Me being in lo..well being with a Biogen.”

“I may be dead Xan,” Jesse said, “but I’m still you’re best bud. I’ve waited a long time for you to find someone who could make you happy…who wanted you the way you wanted to be wanted. The way you deserve.”

“Well there’s no doubt, Spike wants me,” Xander blushed again remembering that first morning when Spike woke Xander up while getting his “brekkies.”

“Best buds,” Jesse said holding up his hands, “but we don’t need to go all 'Willow' here and share the ‘moments.””

Xander laughed. “Guess this is not the locker room talk you signed up for?”

“Definitely the wrong locker room,” Jesse agreed.

“Well I don’t have to worry about you poaching,” Xander quipped and then paled.

“What?” Jesse frowned.

“It may not matter any more,” Xander said quietly. “You said it yourself, ‘it doesn’t look good.’”

“Xan…”

“You know I can see how the missing the eye thing might be overlooked…outlaw Biogen mastermind’s image only goes up with a ‘pirate looking’ CM but…”

“Xan…,” Jesse tried again.

“There’s parts of me that are never going to work again,” Xander blurted. “Howz he going….?”

“Xander,” Jesse barked. “Listen. Spike wants you. You know that.”

“No, I don’t!” shouted Xander. “How could he?”

“Listen,” Jesse softly ordered.

Xander stared at Jesse. He opened his mouth to fire off a retort but then closed it, took a deep breath and listened.

As if from a great distance and yet at the same time as if it were coming from deep inside Xander himself he heard Spike’s voice. The words were faint but clear, “Pet, Xander, you have to hang on. You have to come back to me. I need you.”

Xander gasped and looked at Jesse who smiled.

“That wasn’t him! That couldn’t be,” Xander said frantically and hopefully all at the same time.

Jesse nodded. “Listen, Xan.”

Once again Xander listened. Once again he heard Spike’s voice, “Stay with me, pet. That’s an order.”

“Spike!” Xander gasped and smiled finally believing what he was hearing.

***

It was another hour before Fred’s light knock interrupted the soft litany of Spike’s voice whispering to Xander. Spike had been talking non-stop going from ribald stories to admonitions for Xander to stay with him.

“May I come in?” Fred asked as she peeked her head inside the door.

“Tell me you have good news, luv,” Spike said as he waved her inside Xander’s room.

Fred came in and shut the door. She smiled.

“It took longer than I had anticipated. It took several ‘flushes’ before the nanites’ regeneration program seemed to understand they needed to regenerate cells off a new pattern….off of Xander’s blood...”

“Fred,” Angel said halting Fred’s explanation.

“Oh! Sorry,” Fred said as she pulled out a syringe. “They did it. Here it is; the vial of Spike’s nanites in a sample of Xander’s blood they produced.”

“So now wot?” Spike asked as he again began carding his hand through Xander’s hair.

“Now I inject him with it and take a blood sample from him in six hours,” Fred answered.

“Six hours?” Angel asked.

“If I’m right and the nanites begin self-replicate,” Fred said, “we should begin to see the new nanites in Xander’s blood.”

Spike looked back at down at Xander. “Then how long…?”

“I don’t know, Spike,” Fred said. “If they begin to replicate…we should start to see improvement anywhere from twenty-four to seventy-two ship rotations.”

Fred moved over to Xander and pulled a sterilizing swab from her pocket.

“Give us a moment, luv?” Spike asked.

“Of course,” Fred said as she stepped back from Xander and moved back to Angel. Spike looked at Angel and Fred and cocked an eyebrow.

“Oh..uh, Fred, Can I see you in the hall about that…?” Angel faltered.

“About that thing,”  Fred said nodding here head.

“Yeah, the thing,” Angel agreed turning and holding the door open for Fred. “We’ll just be in the hall, Spike…”

“Oi! I got it,” Spike said, “and…thank you.”

Spike watched Fred and Angel leave. Then Spike leaned over Xander and whispered into Xander’s ear, “Xander, pet, I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. But I’m here now and I’m going ta do everything I can ta make it right. I love you, Xander.”

Spike then gently kissed Xander’s forehead. Then he resumed carding his hand through Xander’s hair.

***
“You look tired,” Angel said to Fred.

“I’m all right,” she replied.

“Look, after you give Xander the shot, why don’t you get some sleep? It’ll be at least six hours before you know anything.”

Fred looked at Angel. “Only if you promise ta get some too.”

“I can’t,” Angel said. “I have to stay with Sp…,”

“I can get Faith to stay with him,” Fred interrupted.

“I don…,”

“Look, Angel,” Fred interrupted again. “Whether this turns out good or bad, Spike is going ta need you. Sleep would do you good. Even Biogens weren't designed to go non-stop.”

“Faith has had some sleep?” Angel asked, weakening.

“I think she managed ta get some,” Fred smiled. “Doctor’s aren’t always in the doctor’s lounge.”

Angel laughed. “Ok, you send Faith in after you give Xander the shot. I’ll get some sleep.”

Fred smiled and then turned back to knock on Xander’s door.

“Yeah,” Spike called from inside.

Angel opened the door and once again held it open for Fred. Fred moved over next to Xander. She looked at Spike. Spike nodded. Fred once again pulled the sterile pad from her pocket and this time sterilized a spot on Xander’s arm. Then very slowly she injected Xander with Spike’s nanites.


***
“A change is coming,” Jesse said to Xander.

“Oh goody,” Xander said as he took another drink. “Just what I need; more change.”

Jesse picked at the label on his bottle of ale. “Yeah, you’ve had it rough lately.”

‘I guess I shouldn’t complain,” Xander said. “I’m still alive….well for now anyway.”

“All the change hasn’t been bad,” Jesse observed.

Xander thought of the way Spike grinned when he had Xander pinned and squirming underneath him. Xander smiled and acknowledged, “No, not all bad.”

“The thing about change,” Jesse said, “is not that it happens but it’s about the choices you make when it happens.”

“Somebody must have forgot to send Xan-man that memo,” Xander replied. “Seems I haven’t had too many choices lately.”

“You have, Xan,” Jesse argued. “You could have let Spike take the cargo from The Snyder. You didn’t have to try and be heroic.”

“I thought he was a kille…,”

“You could have continued to be the good soldier; never given Spike or the DeSoto crew a chance. Could have just stubbornly clung to your attitude about Biogens. You know the whole ‘I don’t like Biogens. I’m going to make a stand and say they’re not good,’” Jesse said as he made quote marks in the air with his fingers.

“You heard that, huh?” Xander said.

“Instead, you gave Spike, and yourself, a chance. You let out some of the pain, let him in and found something new.” Jesse paused to take another sip, and then continued. “And you could have told Caleb anything. You could have chosen to give him information in hopes he’d ease the torture or at least let you die.”

Xander looked back down at his ale.

“Xan, I’m not promising the changes are going to get any easier,” Jesse continued. “But I can promise that you can deal with them.”

“I don’t know if I can go back to what’s left of me,” Xander whispered.

“Well that is your choice,” Jesse said.

“Is it?”

Jesse nodded. “But is it what you want?”

Xander grew silent again. He was tired and it would just be nice to stay with Jesse drinking ale.

Then Xander heard Spike’s voice again from far away and yet achingly near say, “Xander, pet, I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. But I’m here now and I’m going ta do everything I can ta make it right.”

“Spike,” Xander whispered and then looked back at Jesse. Spike, Xander thought and nearly cried, I want Spike!
 
Jesse smiled, finished his ale, stood up and then looked at Xander.

“Do me a favor?” Jesse said.

“Sure,” Xander said furrowing his brows.

“Cut Faith some slack. As far as I’m concerned, she’s still my girl,” Jesse said before turning and heading for the door.

“Wait!” Xander cried standing up. “Where are you going?”

“Not far,” Jesse promised. “See ya around, Xander.”

Then before Xander could say anything else, Jesse was gone.

***

After five and a half hours of sleep Angel once again stood outside Xander’s door with Fred. They both looked worried, but less haggard. Fred lightly knocked on Xander’s door and it was quickly opened by Faith who held a finger to her lips. Angel peered around Faith to see Spike asleep in the chair next to Xander’s bed. Spike’s arm was stretched out and resting on the bed so he’s hand was holding Xanders.

Faith opened the door and let Angel and Fred inside. Fred went to move toward Xander but Angel put his hand up and shook his head. Angel then stepped over to Spike and softly touched Spike’s shoulder.

Spike sprang awake and out of the chair. He spun around putting Xander behind him. Spike was in full game face.

“William,” Angel said firmly. “It’s ok. We’re just here to check on Xander.”

Spike blinked a moment and then shook his head.

“Sorry about that,” Spike said as he slipped back into his human face.

“It’s ok,” Angel replied.

Spike looked to Fred. “So luv?”

Fred smiled and moved next to Xander. “Just need a little sample of his blood and then I’ll do a quick count.”

“Do you need to go back to the lab?”

Fred shook her head. “I’ve modified a ‘Gen tracker. Normally they measure the rate of decay in nanites to determine how long a Biogen has been dead or how old the blood trail is. I’ve just reversed the programming so…,”

“Oi, luv, I just woke up,” Spike complained as Fred rattled off her explanation.

“Sorry,” Fred shrugged and smiled. Then she leaned over, sterilized a spot on Xander’s arm and withdrew a sample of blood. Then Fred withdrew a small device from her pocket and used it to examine the sample. Fred’s eyes grew wide and she looked at Spike.

“Well?” Spike asked.

“It worked!” Fred said with tears in her eyes and the biggest smile she’d had for almost two days. “It worked, Spike! I’m detecting significant traces of nanites!”

Spike turned to Xander and squeezed his hand. “That’s it, pet! That’s my boy!”

Then Spike turned, grabbed Fred and spun her around. Fred laughed. Angel jumped when he felt arms wrap around him and then relaxed when he realized it was Faith. Angel returned the hug.

“Fred,” Angel finally said when he felt the lump in own throat dissolve, “how long before Xander can be moved?”

Spike put Fred down and held her steady until she got her balance. She looked back at her device. “I’d say the sooner the better.”

“Fred?” Spike asked.

“These numbers are really good,” Fred said. “I’d say in another six hours we’ll see some significant tissue regeneration.”

“That quickly?” Angel asked.

Fred nodded. “That’s not all.”

“Wot?” asked Spike.

“Well, soon the nanites will begin to decrease the time it takes for the drugs in his system to metabolize.”

“In English, luv,” Spike growled.

“Biogens process drugs in their systems faster than pure humans,” Fred said. “That’s why Gunn won’t drink with you, Spike. You can always drink him under the table.”

“So…,” Spike began.

“So it means we’ll either need to give Xander a stronger dose of sleep juice,” Faith interrupted, “or we let him wake up.”

“But the nurse said that kept him from feeling pain,” Spike said.

“He may not need it in six hours,” Fred said.

“Can we get him moved on the DeSoto,” asked Angel, “and then see how he is in six hours? If he’s uncomfortable…,”

“We can always give him another dose, yes,” said Fred.

“Let’s do it,” Angel said.

Spike turned back to Xander and whispered, “We’re going home, pet.”

***
Consciousness was just a glissade from unconsciousness and yet Xander still hung back from making that final gliding step. He floated in a calm limbo of no pain, no fear and most of all no Caleb. However, there was also no Jesse, nothing to do, and no relief from the annoying itch on his right thigh.

Xander thought he moved his right hand towards the itch but all he felt was his thumb brush against his leg.

“Pet?” Spike asked frantically. “Xan?”

Xander tried again to get the itch.

“That’s it, pet! C’mon! Come back to Spike!”

Spike! Xander thought. Scratch there for me will ya?

“Xander,” Spike said again, “C’mon. Wake up. Show me you’re there.”

“Mppph,” Xander said.

Xander heard Spike laugh. Laugh later! Xander thought. Scratch now!

“What was that, pet?”

“Scraatc,” Xander muttered as once again he tried to get his hand to obey.

“Still not getting it,” Spike said.

“Leg!” Xander shouted as he finally got his hand to move. “Scratch mmlg!”

Spike saw the hand and grabbed it.

“Spike!” Xander shouted.

“No scratching,” Spike said. “It’s healing. Let it alone.”

“Itches,” whined Xander as he tried to jerk his hand free.

“Lie still,” Spike ordered.

“Bossy,” muttered Xander.

“Cheeky,” Spike replied.

There was a long pause and for a moment Spike thought Xander might have fallen back asleep.

“Spike?” Xander finally whispered.

“Yes, pet.”

“You really here?”

Spike nodded on habit before realizing Xander couldn’t see him. Xander still had a bandage on his right eye.

“Yes, pet.”

“Where am I?”

“Home.”

“The ‘Dale?”

“The DeSoto,” Spike said barely keeping the growl out of his voice.

Xander smiled and then frowned. Smiling hurts, Xander thought. Pain reminded Xander.

“Caleb?”

“Dead.”

“Dead?”

“Just another fucking soulless…heartless..Biogen,” Spike said.

Xander smiled despite the pain and locked his fingers with Spike’s hand.

“Thank you,” Xander whispered and made the dance step back to unconsciousness.

“Anytime,” Spike quietly replied as he kissed his pet’s forehead.

TBC in prt 25

to see go here

 

Comments

[kathgrr.livejournal.com]

Brilliant chapter - loved the idea of Xander meeting Jess or a manifestation of his subconscience as Jess? to help him sort out his feelings about what he wants. I like how Jess drives home the fact that Xander did make choices even though he's been put in some bad situations and that he didn't give up.

Have to comment again about how well you're writing the secondary characters - Jess was wonderfully portrayed here and call me obsessed but I really REALLY love your Angel. You make me feel rather compassionate towards him, which is not a feeling I normally associate with the character.

Thank you..

[stillrose.livejournal.com]

loved the idea of Xander meeting Jess or a manifestation of his subconscience as Jess? I leave that question to be answered by the reader. :) And yeah..Jess really wanted Xan to understand he shouldn't give up..he does have choices.


Have to comment again about how well you're writing the secondary characters - Jess was wonderfully portrayed here and call me obsessed but I really REALLY love your Angel. You make me feel rather compassionate towards him, which is not a feeling I normally associate with the character.

*blush* Thank you. Glad you like Angel here. I was dreading writing him because he is one of my favorite characters but he's really complex. He's been so much fun to write for this story.

I apologize for the all the typos this chap. Went back and fixed them.

-sr