There’s Always a Sneer in Vegas (77/?)

[stillrose]

Title: There’s Always a Sneer in Vegas (77/?)
Fandom: BTVS; Spike/Xander
Warnings: Slash,AU, Post Apocalyptic, violence,non-con, slavery, tentacles,
Rating: NC-17
Summary: It’s been seven years since Angelus killed Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Seven years after Angelus opened a portal to hell on Earth. Humans are food, slaves or on the run. There’s hope only in small band of resistance fighters. However, that’s a hope Xander Harris no longer has. It’s been six months since he was taken in a raid. At first Xander thought he was lucky the demons didn’t know who he was; but then that was before he became property to an Azora demon.

As always: Feedback makes my heart go pitter-patter.

UNBETAED

Previous parts here.

On the menu tonight...little bit a plot...little bit of characterization....a nice serving of Sneer.  Enjoy!

***********************
“We’ll leave at dawn,” Oz said.

“That doesn’t give you and yours much time to rest,” Spike said.

“Gives us plenty of time,” Oz said standing and stretching.

“I say the vamp gets watch tonight,” Larry said yawning.

“And Xander…since they slept all day,” Dawn added.

“I didn’t hear much sleeping going on,” Faith teased.

Everyone but Xander laughed. He just tried not to glow as red as the fire. There were a few more moments of good natured ribbing, some quick sharing of rations and then quiet good nights as everyone left the small campfire to go sleep leaving Spike and Xander alone together one watch.

“Sp…” Xander started.

He just laid a finger to Xander’s lips then whispered.

“We’re on guard. Time to watch and listen, pet. Watch and listen.”
***********************

“S..sorry,” Tara whispered for the second time in less than a minute as she once again stepped on a twig creating a loud snap. Both Faith and Oz turned back to look at her and had once again given her a strained smile.

They had left the truck a few hours ago and had been walking the last few miles towards what was left of Sunnydale. While Faith, Oz and the few members of his pack Tara could see, all moved almost like ghosts through the abandoned California countryside she practically lumbered around like a happy St. Benard off leash. She tried to be careful and quiet, but stealth reconnaissance was not her element.

Faith raised her hand up into a fist signaling them to stop. Tara managed to keep from bumping into the slayer. She smiled at the other girl. Faith smiled back then jerked her head over her shoulder.

“We’re close,” she whispered.

Tara peered around Faith’s shoulder. All she could see was trees and the remains of the few outlying homes destroyed after the fall of humanity. Oz pointed his nose in the air.

“Smells like water,” he said softly.

Faith looked at Tara and arched an eyebrow. Tara stared back confused for a moment then made a silent ‘O’ with her mouth when she understood with the slayer wanted. She nodded and closed her eyes.

She concentrated on slowing down her breathing and focusing her awareness. She focused first on her five senses. With her eyes closed there was nothing to see. There was nothing to taste. She could hear the soft inhalations of Faith near her, distant birds and the breeze through the trees. She could feel that same breeze roll gently across the skin of her face and arms. Faintly, underneath the earthen scents of the forest floor, she could make out the smell of water.

She took another slow deep breath focusing her awareness even further. She felt for the electromagnetic energy that radiated from all living things. She sought to sense the presence of that slim, but strong field, around the slayer. She sought to feel its difference from the more feral, yet tranquil, one around Oz. As her perceptions shifted she pushed “out” with her awareness searching for the presence of other energies. She felt for “absences” or lines of “intensity” that would indicate magical energies in the area.

She felt something! It was to the north and east of where they were. She opened her eyes and looked around. Faith and Oz looked at each other as Tara’s eyes swept the area. She smiled as she stepped to the base of an oak tree. She bent down and picked up a slim forked tree branch shaped like a “Y”.

“Roasting marshmallows later?” Oz whispered.

“Dowsing,” Tara replied smiling as she gripped the “handles” of the “Y” palms down.  She took another deep breath then concentrated on the tip of branch centered in front of her. With a confidence she lacked earlier she moved carefully forward. Oz and Faith shrugged and followed.

As they moved Tara steered their direction by whether or not the branch seemed to dip down, up, to the right or to the left. While they moved closer to the lake they never broke the cover of the trees. Sometimes they even retreated back deeper into the woods.

Tara didn’t speak. She barely even seemed to breathe as she moved. She didn’t seem to react to anything other than the dowsing rod in her hand.

Meanwhile, Oz and Faith found it difficult not to comment or to try and stop Tara as they passed two startling discoveries. The first discovery was to see a small herd of wild horses grazing just beyond the tree line.

During one of the passes where Tara had come dangerously close to leaving the tree line and stepping out on the to bare shoreline both Oz and Faith spied the delicate creatures. The herd had also seemed to spy their small group. A few of the horses had pawed at the ground.

“Some animals get a little nervous around me and mine,” Oz had said as he had tried to withdrawal. As he did the animals had returned to grazing lazily.

“Horses?” Faith had said in awe. She couldn’t believe something so gentle and beautiful could be found at the epicenter of so much heartbreak and destruction.

She had stopped for a moment and just watched the sleek animals, the black coats shimmering in the sunlight. She had frowned. Their manes and tails were tangled and full of weeds, leaves and bits of seaweed no doubt from spending so much time by the shore of the lake. Part of her had wanted to find a brush and comb them, knowing the animals would look even more magnificent with a little care.

“C’mon,” Oz had said tugging lightly at her sleeve. “Tara’s still moving.”

Faith had nodded and began to follow. Their next surprise was a short distance from where the horses grazed. A dock jutted out into the lake and next to it was small boathouse. Both Oz and Faith had frozen when they saw it.

“He wouldn’t...would he?” Faith had asked.

“If he needed to visit the island...maybe,” Oz had replied.

“Makes it a bit easy...”

“Too...”

“Shhh,” Tara had whispered as she kept moving following the lead of the branch in front of her.  They had nodded and followed, eventually making a circuit of the whole lake slowing down only along the north and south sides as they encountered rubble, abandoned cars and large chunks of concrete and asphalt where the major highway leading into and out of Sunnydale had been.

Once they were done Tara had nearly collapsed. She’d set the branch aside and looked at her friends. She had shaken her head slightly. Oz and Faith had given her a few moments to recover and now they were waiting for answers.

“Good news or bad news?” she finally asked after the short break.

“Why does there always have to be bad?” Oz asked. “I mean why can’t it be better or best?”

“Edge of Hellmouth in a post demon apocalypse?” Faith answered with a grin. “We’re lucky there’s any good news at all.”

“Ah..good point, ok, bad news.”

“As far as I can tell there are no wards on the lake,” Tara said.

“But let me guess...wards all the way around?” Faith asked.

Tara nodded, “And there’s no telling what’s waiting on the island.”

“So...?” Oz asked.

“So...we report back to Willow,” Faith said looking at the darkening sky. “In detail, and we do what we always do.”

“Come up with a plan to do the impossible that could end with us all dying..if we are lucky?”

“Yes...but with a sense of humor!” Faith replied offering a hand to help Tara up.

“Humor is important,” Tara said.

“Yeah..demons hate that whole laughing in the face of horrible death,” Oz said leading the way back. “Makes ‘em feel like their effort is wasted.”

They all laughed as they slowly started back toward the truck.

                   ***

Xander slipped out of the back of the truck and shut the door. He looked around. The sun was making its descent in the west. It would still be a few hours before Spike could safely wander outside. He knew the vampire was restless and missed the freedom to move about as he had in Vegas.

Xander also knew what it was like to be trapped, to stare at the same walls and not be able to go anywhere. A large part of him hated leaving Spike in the truck alone. Yet, another part of him wanted the time, the space, to talk with Willow.

“Go on ya, git,” Spike had said as Xander had stared at the door for umpteenth time.

“Master...”

“How am I supposed ta get any rest with you tossin' and muckin’ about? Get! I’ll see ya when it gets dark,” Spike had growled then had rolled over.

“Sp...” Xander had tried again.

“Oi!” Spike had said, rolled back over, sat up, kissed the tip of Xander’s nose and then had continued, “Go, pet. M’ a big bad and been in much worse places than this. Don’t be a ponce. Go talk ta Red! If I have ta tell ya a third time, someone ain’t gonna be sittin’ for a week!”

Xander had laughed, hugged Spike and then had sped off.

Now he was outside he looked back at the door. Perhaps it would be worth it, Xander thought as he contemplated not being able to sit versus talking to Willow.

“You remind me of cat,” Larry said. “When it’s inside it wants out and when it’s outside it wants in.”

Xander whirled around to look at his former classmate.

“Uhm..how...”

“It ain’t that hard, Harris,” Larry said. “You want two incompatible things and you don’t want to have make a choice.”

“I didn’t think you knew big words like...’incompatible,” Xander replied crossing his arms over his chest not liking where the conversation was going.

“Yeah...I do. Learned a lot in since the world went to hell,” Larry said stepping forward. “Like demons and humans...incompatible.”

Xander snorted. “You don’t know everything, Lar.”

“How do you think this is going to end, Harris?”

“Huh?” Xander asked blinking at the bigger man. “Kinda rooting for the good guys here. And you?”

“Yeah..and what happens when we do win?” Larry pressed the point.

“Twinkies and comic books for everyone,” Xander said. “Demons go bye-bye! The world goes back to the way it was. People live in freedom.”

Larry lifted his chin and motioned toward the truck.

“And what about him?”

“What about, Spike?” Xander demanded the White Knight rising to the front.

“He’s a demon...a vampire.”

“Yeah, kinda noticed that the first tim..” Xander began to retort and then his blood froze as he grew pale. He stared at Larry for a moment and then looked back at the truck.

“Knew you were slow but really, Harris...”

“Shut it, Larry!” Xander said turning back to look at him.

“He’s vampire, Xander. We win. It won’t be a demon world any more. Won’t be demon rules.”

“But...he’s helping! He’s one of the good guys!”

“You think it’s gonna matter?”

“Yes! To me...to Tara...Dawn...to...”

“Say..it matters to us? It ain’t gonna matter to everyone, Harris. All they are gonna see is one more bloodsucker. One that ruled one of the most notorious places in this hellhole.”

“Vegas was a lot better...”

“That’s not the reputation, Harris. So where is that gonna leave him?”

“I won’t let anything happen to him.”

“Course you won’t...because you are bound to him.”

Xander swallowed thickly. Larry was right. He was tied to Spike and if they won Spike wouldn’t be a Master vampire anymore he’d be hunted. Spike would be a target of human rage.

“See, you want two different things, Xander. You want to be with Spike. You want to be with your friends. You can’t have both. You really think Willow, Faith and the rest are going to want to spend the rest of their life protecting him. They would, to protect you, but do you want them to? Or do you really want to go on the run the rest of your life with Spike? You’ll have to choose.”

Xander stared bitterly at Larry. He didn’t have an answer not any good ones.

“Well in case you didn’t get the memo, Larry, I really don’t get a choice in the matter.”

“Yeah...funny that...Spike holds all the cards. What do you get?”

Love, loyalty, protection...Spike! Xander thought.

“You know...just when I was starting to like you, Larry...you had to go and open your mouth.”

“That wasn’t an answer,” Larry said with a shrug.

“Well...it really doesn’t matter does it?” Xander snapped.

“Just because you might not get what you want...doesn’t mean you don’t have a preference. Doesn’t mean you don’t know what you want.”

“You know what, Lar? What I want right now? It’s not much different than what I wanted in high school! Why don’t you disappear?”

Larry took a step back and looked at Xander.

“This ain’t high school, Xander and this ain’t the locker room. If you wanna go...walk. I’m not gonna stop you.”

Xander gave Larry another look, shook his head and walked around Larry heading for the where the camp fire had been the night before.

Larry watched him leave then looked back at the truck. He gently fingered his broken nose then turned away.

***

Xander sat there on one of the logs by the fire pit staring at ashen embers of the previous night’s fire for a long time. His thoughts were a jumble of “what ifs,” memories and broken dreams.

“Xander?” Willow called quietly.

“Hey, Wills,” Xander said looking up at her.

“You ok?” she asked. “Did you and Spike..I mean did he..”

“No..Spike and I are fine,” Xander sighed snapped in frustration. “And no he didn’t hurt me.”

Willow bit her lip and stepped back.

“Hey...no...I’m sorry,” Xander said scooting over a bit. “I’m just...sit with me?”

“Will that be ok?” Willow said point her head back in the direction of the truck.

“I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t,” Xander smiled.

She nodded and sat down. She looked at him.

“It’s hard for me, Xan. Hard to understand...what...I mean...”

Xander looked back at her.

“Sorta like me and creepy-Willow thing,” Xander countered.

She frowned and looked at the fire pit.

“Guess that’s fair,” she said. “But..I didn’t mean to go all...dark and Edgar Allan Poe.”

“I didn’t mean to be a Blueboy pinup,” Xander said.

Willow blushed then laughed, “Guess they got it wrong in our yearbooks.”

Xander laughed with her then he reached out an arm, wrapped it around her shoulders and pulled her close. For a moment they just hugged, then very softly they both began to cry.

“I never thought I’d see you again..” they both started then laughed again.

“Ladies first,” Xander said. Willow sniffed.

“When you were taken..it was like the last of everything I knew from Before was really gone,” Willow said. “It was like if we didn’t get you back what was I fighting for? What were we fighting for?”

Xander squeezed her.

“The Azora demon..the one who had me before Spike won...got me...they had this T..Tank they used to punish the bot...slaves who were bad.”

Willow looked at Xander with dread. She knew her friend.

“They don’t tell you what it does...it’s just dark and they lower you into it..seal you inside and it begins to fill up with this warm liquid. It keeps rising..and...”

Willow squeezed him.

“I thought I was gonna die, Wills. I thought I was gonna drown in some demon tank and all I wanted was to say goodbye to you. I thought about you, Wills. I thought about you, Faith, and Dawn. I thought about Buf..Buffy..and...”

“Xander, it wasn’t your fault!” Willow said emphatically. “I’ve told you that!”

Xander gave her a slight smile.

“You know that’s what Spike said when I told him, when I told him about it..about our plan..your plan that day to stop Angelus...to stop all of this and how I destroyed the Orb.”

“You told Spike?”

Xander nodded, “And you know what? He was there that day.”

“Yes, Xander, I know.”

“No, I mean...he was there...he and Buffy had made a deal.”

Willow’s eyes grew huge and round. She stared and Xander and then she began to shake her head.

“No, Xan..no..he..he twisted...lied..”

“No, he didn’t, Willow. He was there. He made a deal with Buffy and when she failed...”

“Angelus would have staked him!”

“Angelus wouldn’t do anything that...simple,” Xander said shuddering. Willow stared at Xander again. She noted his reaction. At first she was confused and then as an eerie dawning of understanding crept through her consciousness her eyes began to darken.

“Stay with me, Wills,” Xander said softly. “There were so many times I thought of you. You, Willow! The one who knows about the aquaman underwear incident! You, who saved me from the clown. You, Willow...not the black-eyed uber witch Willow.”

“I..should have..” she said starting to cry again as the black receded from her eyes.

“What been there?” Xander asked. “No way! I’m glad you weren’t! And besides...I..I was ok..as ok as one gets around Captain Crazy.”

“How can..?”

“Because...Spike, Willow,” Xander explained softly. “Spike was there and if you never believe anything that comes out of blondie’s mouth...which is not necessarily bad advice...believe me...believe Spike when he says he takes care of me. He protected me. He doesn’t hurt me, Wills.”

“But he used you.”

“Yeah, he did. Never said he wasn’t a bastard,” Xander said with a smile. “But he’s on our side. He was on Buffy’s side.”

“Why?” Willow said.

Xander stared at her. He longed to tell her the truth. He wanted to reassure her, let her know what he knew and yet he couldn’t. Spike trusted him with the most precious secret Spike had and Xander couldn’t betray  him.

“To piss off Angelus? To be different? Because it amused him?” Xander shrugged and sighed. “Because...when it gets right down to it..Spike is Spike. He doesn’t have a demon or a vampire agenda. He has his agenda. That day...his agenda was Drusilla.”

“And now?”

“And now? Payback, I think,” Xander fudged. “Angelus punished Spike....kept..him...well...Spike wasn’t there when Dru died.”

“And that’s a bad thing? Faith barely could take her..she might not of if Spike had been there!”

“Willow,” Xander said. “Spike loved her.”

Willow stared at Xander.

“C’mon you know that. They were the Sid and Nancy of the undead. It was creepy..but it was love, Wills...and...think of what it’s like not to be there when someone you love needed you.”

Willow sucked in her breath. She had lived with not being able to save Xander; without even being able to find him.

“I..it just. I mean he’s, Spike. I’m mean..Halloween...Parent Teacher night..,” Willow said beginning to tick off their early encounters with the vampire some part of her still clinging to what she knew of Spike from Before.

“Yeah..I know..but here we are,” Xander said.

“He really had a deal with, Buffy?”

Xander nodded.

“And he really..I mean...he doesn’t hurt you?”

“Willow...do you honestly think I’d be helping him...defending him...stay with him if he did?” Xander asked in that voice he rarely used. It was the one he used sometimes when he didn’t joke about his parents. The voice he used when he remembered Jesse. It was the voice he used when he stared down Angelus with nothing but a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

Willow knew Xander had always been willing to play the fool. He’d always been content to be thought of as the “Donut Boy.” Yet, Willow knew. Deep down, Xander had more strength and courage than anyone she had ever met, and that included both slayers. As guilt, fear and hurt cleared from her mind and heart she really listened to her friend. She finally found some peace.

She might not understand what was between Spike and Xander, but she knew without a doubt, if Spike did hurt Xander. If Spike was the monster she’d feared him to be, not only would Xander not be with him but he never would have put her, Dawn or the others at risk by bringing them all together.

Suddenly she threw both arms around Xander’s neck and squeezed him tight.

“Oh Goddess, I’ve missed you so much, Xander!” she cried in happy mix of tears and laughter. “I never thought I’d see you again. I...didn’t know how I could face all this post-apocalyptic Mad Max world without you!”

“Wills!” Xander croaked as he hugged her back.

“I mean..I never actually even saw Mad Max..and I fell asleep during Thunderdome!”

“Will..oow!”

“And vampires are kinda like terminators but I’m not exactly Sarah Conner...”

“Air!” Xander squeaked.

Willow laughed and loosened her hug. Xander drew in a big breath. She grinned at him. He grinned back as the color returned to his cheeks.

“I love you, Xander,” she said.

“I love you, Wills,” he said. “I love you too.”

TBC

Author’s Notes:

Aquaman underwear incident is mentioned in “The Killer in Me” episode.

Dowsing has a long fascinating history.

Blueboy was a gay magazine started in the 70’s that was sort of like Playboy that took a more ‘hard’ edge in the 90’s. It’s most famously referenced in the Cyndi Lauper song “She Bop”

“Well, I see him every night in tight blue jeans

In the pages of a Blueboy magazine”